I thought I had left this blog behind. It was too much to think about writing – composing my thoughts into comprehensible and relevant bits of information rather than the slew of word jelly that bats around in my brain. The good thing about the bloggy interwebs is this was all just sitting here waiting for me.
The past two years have been a growing period. It looked rather a lot like a slug period, but trust me, I grew. In some things I’m still in a holding pattern. I seem to have trouble creating things lately. My stuff looks like crap. I make stupid mistakes in my knitting that I don’t notice until a million rows later. Things I think are funny are not when I put them on a card. It’s a growing period. Growth, if you remember it from adolescence (who doesn’t – so much fun, right?), is awkward and gangly. It’s walking around on new legs and not knowing how to navigate the world or how you fit in it. That is where I’ve been.
I’ve had to make some pretty major decisions. I’ve had to face some hard truths. I’m battling some health issues. I’m handling some $%&* I’ve ignored for too long. It’s exhausting. I think it’s why I’ve been dreaming about making a dining room table fort and living there for a weekend. Or a year. Don’t judge. At times I feel as though the weight of all this will just compress me flat, but mostly I have hope for what my new life will be like.
What does this have to do with the theme of this blog? Better is about making changes and finding better ways to do things: creativity, health, life. What I’ve noticed over the past two years is that I prefer a simpler life. I used to think if I had this thing or that thing, my life would be complete. The right shoes, the perfect kitchen, a great car, an amazing job. But it really doesn’t have that much of an impact. I am so much more than the things I own that these things hold me back!
A couple of months ago I realized I couldn’t keep repairing my ripped jeans and wearing them to work. It really didn’t look any kind of professional. I had also worn out several pairs of shoes. I bought both on ebay. I spent very little money and I got exactly what I wanted. It occurred to me that I hadn’t had the “need” to actually shop since I stopped growing in high school (unless you count my freshman 15 in college). I used to shop a lot. Now it just tires me. While I may still want a new dress I don’t want to waste the time looking for one. I’d rather spend time with my friends or read a book.
My life has turned. I’m wasting less money on food and gas. I’m enjoying time with friends more. I don’t feel that need to “compete” with others for possessions or position. I’m absolutely excited for what that will become. And that’s what brought me back here. Let’s see what it becomes.